On Fire?

Current mood: contemplative
Category: Religion and Philosophy

I walk around and I see people that are on fire for God.
You can see the passion in their eyes ...You can feel it
when they talk .

And I want so badly to burn for God...More than anything, I want to burn bright for my Jesus. But sometimes it feels like I am trying to start a fire with wet wood.

Then I notice something else...To me, it seems as if *most*
of the people that are really on fire for God are people
that were really in a bad way/really far off the rails
before they gave their lives to Jesus.

I have heard some amazing stories of people that were hooked on drugs...Their whole lives revolved around going to clubs, getting high, getting down with someone...and then doing it all over again. People that were prostitutes, criminals, "druggies", porn actors, all around what we would sometimes call "bad" people...Then somehow they get to a point where their lives all apart completely...their pimp beats them up and they end up nearly dying, they get shot or something while committing a crime, they OD and nearly die, they get into an abusive relationship and end up almost getting killed...But the common theme seems to be that they end up getting to a point where they realise they just cannot carry on...THEY can't do it anymore, and somehow (unique in each case) they hear God calling and saying "I am here and TOGETHER WE can carry on"...And they answer that call.

But now for me...I have been a semi decent person my whole life...I grew up in a pretty mostly Christian home...I went to sunday school. Hey I even have the certificates to prove it...I never stood on no street corner...I don't break the law, much (does speeding count?). I never got into drugs...I was a "goodie two shoes" at school, you know did my home work, didn't drink, sleep around etc. Don't get me wrong I ain't no perfect person, but I still wasn't going to heaven at that point. All along..I knew about God, but I didn't know Him personally...I had no relationship with Him. I never really worried about Him...but because of His great love for me, He worried about me...and was calling me my whole life. Then there came a point where I gave it up to God and said "I wanna live for You". And I have been active in my church since then...And I can feel God working in my life, and I can see Him working. And I want to be on fire for Him I want to be passionate...But I just don't feel as passionate or on fire as I want to be and as passionate or on fire as these other, ex "bad", people are.

I dunno...Maybe I haven't gotten to the point where I fully understand and realise that I need to rely 100% on God...or maybe I need to convince myself of that still...All these things I KNOW...I believe...But as a friend told me...I think to much with my head...And therein lies part of the problem...My mind is interefering where it shouldn't.

Any thoughts?